Nowadays, love is overly romanticized and people think that being in a relationship is purely rainbows and butterflies. But I realized that with the beauty of this season comes pain and struggles.
There are moments when I could feel God breaking my heart and crushing every inch of my pride, especially when I won’t allow his Lordship in this area of my life. Sometimes, I’m so selfish that I only see my own feelings and do things that are convenient for myself. Sometimes, I have the tendency to become more argumentative than gracious. There are moments when I feel too entitled of my pain and it causes my heart not to forgive. But God is quick in humbling my heart and reminding me that I should love like how He does. It’s not easy, especially when I feel offended. But I am grateful to God that he gave me a man who constantly points me back to the gospel—who reminds me to fix my eyes to the perfect example of love. A love that commits to stay no matter how unloving, unworthy and unforgivable I am. A love that looks past mistakes and loves still, no matter how seemingly pointless. A love that enables me to show the same amount of grace and mercy towards other people.
That is why it is really crucial to know what your standard of love is—because soon, the spark will lose its light. The butterflies will die. Feelings will be unfelt. There will be a lot of arguments. Opinions will clash. Different upbringing and culture will start to sink in. Words will become unspeakable. Actions will bring offense. And it’s going to hurt . . . but even when all these happen, choose to forgive, be humble and be accountable.
- Choose to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. (paraphrased words from C.S Lewis). Whenever you think you have the right to be upset towards someone, remember the countless of times you have disappointed God and remember how even at your failures, He chose to love and forgive you. Because of this, even when your flesh wants to nurse your anger, the spirit of the Lord within you will compel you to stop finding fault and just forgive and move forward.
- Choose to be humble—Say you’re sorry. Maybe it’s not your mistake, but it doesn’t matter. Love never keeps score of one’s fault. And I’ve learned this the hard way. Sometimes, I choose to forgive but I can’t say I’m sorry. However, it shouldn’t be like this. Always be the bigger person and reach out. “I’m sorry. It was my fault and there’s no excuse for what I did. Would you forgive me and help me do something about this so that this won’t happen again?” It’s amazing how humble words when said out of love can do wonders!
- Choose to be accountable to people—it’s always good to have people who will speak the truth in your life. Sometimes, we get clouded with our emotions and we think that we’re always right (says every hurt person!) however, we should welcome people who will oversee our relationship and correct us everytime we’re not doing what is pleasing to the Lord. We don’t need people who will flatter us and sugar-coat things to avoid hurting us, but we need people who will point the areas in our lives where we are making mistakes. These people are not there to comment for every wrong thing you do, but they will be the ones who will remind you that at the end of the day, you should please the Lord, not your partner—not anyone else.
Because Lordship is costly—even when it comes to our relationships. Following Jesus requires us to walk in obedience to Him and even to the point of having to love like how He does.